I know that since I left, there have been nunorous things that have gone terribly wrong in the states; things that I can only assume went wrong as a direct result of my absence and not because of any other outer forces.
The first thing I will mention is the wildfires in Boulder, Colorado beginning in the month of September. These fires, which burned well through September, October and part of November, destroyed over 196 structures, and burned over 152 acres of land. Clearly, since it began around the same time that I left, one can only conclude that the city nearly self-combusted from lack of my presence.
The second thing I would like to mention is the NFL. I am talking about the entire industry of American Football starting with the pre-season draft all the way to the Superbowl. From Brady Quinn (dont get me started on Brady Quinn) to Brad Childress, to Josh McDaniels, to....omg, just the entire season. I don't know what happened, but I have never seen so many teams unravel at the seams all at the same time. I am honestly glad that this happened while I was gone, because I am pretty sure I would have resorted to some pretty outlandish behavior had I actually witnessed it. And at the end of it all, the Broncos finished second worst in the league and just hired the former coach of the worst team in the league...do I have to say more.
The third thing, which actually breaks my heart, is that Justin Beiber didn't win Best New Artist at the Grammys. Are. You. Kidding. Me. I am almost 25 years old and even I have a fan t-shirt. I know all the words to his songs and I am in love with a man that knows all his dance moves. Need I say more. The kid came out of Nowheresville, Canada, eh?, and blew up the charts like never before (with the exception of Michael Jackson, but there's just no comparison there). He is so adorable I want to pinch his cheeks and I am pretty sure that if I was 10 years younger his picture would be plastered all over my locker. "Beiber Fever" has spread farther and wider than swine flu and west nile combined and while it may not be as deadly, it is much more difficult to cure. And the kid did it all before his 18th birthday. Who is Esperanza Spalding anyways? Ok, college at 16 and professor at Birkley College of Music at 20 is impressive, but can she roll with Ludacris? Case. In. Point.
So America - listen closely. You have 100 days to get your act together because I dont want to have to pick up the pieces when I get back. Thanks.
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